


OCD Kiss

by CarlisleGray13



Category: Supernatural
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 23:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4037914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlisleGray13/pseuds/CarlisleGray13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has lived with the loud scream of OCD for ad long as he ccan remember. Thats why when a stranger silenced his thoughts, he couldn't let him slip away. </p><p>This was inspired by the pem OCD by Neil Hilborn</p>
            </blockquote>





	OCD Kiss

124\. 125. 126. Stop! 127. 128. 129. Stop! 130. 131. 132. Stop! 133. 134. 135. Stop! Breathe.   
Castiel inhales deeply as he reaches his destination on a 5. He can feel calm. A 3,6 or 9 would have also been ok, he's just relieved it wasn't a 7. He starts walking toward the counter of the only coffee shop in his town he can still go to. The other kept kicking him out because of his ticks. /Did he lock the front door before leaving? Are his hands clean? Has he touched anything on the way over? Breathe./ The baristas here already know his order so he doesn't even have to try and talk. He's grateful. They place his latte in the center of the counter with the label facing him and the lid turned slightly to the left. He's really grateful. He puts $5 on the counter after picking up his cup. He knows the total would be $3.30 which would make his change $1.70. He wouldn't be able to walk around all day with a 7 on him so he leaves it for the tip. He walks to the same table he's sat at every morning at 9:35 a.m. and counts the sugar packets. 15. He can sit down safely. He was able to get his morning coffee with no trouble. Today actually might be good. /Did he lock the front door before leaving? Are his hands clean enough? Did he touch the door handle on the way in?/ He reaches into his pocket to get out his hand sanitizer and squeezes a bit into his left hand. /5 circles clockwise. Flip hands. 5 circles counter clockwise. Breathe./ Was he breathing this entire time? He can't remember. Was his heart racing? No, he's fine. Just the caffeine. The bell on the door rings out signalling a new customer. / Look up and left./ Castiel dreams of a day when he doesn't need to perform these stupid rituals but then something bad would happen so that thought doesn't stick around long. He looks to see who walkded in at the same time the guy looks over to Castiel. Green eyes meet blue. / Silence./ No that can't be right. There is no intrusive thoughts for 10 entire seconds. Then before he can stop himself, he gets up and walks straight to green-eyes because for 10 whole seconds of silence there is just no way Castiel can not talk to him. 

" Hello. I'm Castiel. Would you like to sit sith me?" / too stiff/

" Hi. I'm Castiel. Sit with me." /too demanding/ 

" Hi. I'm Castiel. Would you maybe like to sit with me?" /too shy/

"Yes"

"Hey! I'm Castiel! Will you sit with me today??" / too eager./

" Hey. I'm Castiel. Will you sit with me today?" / almost/

" Hey, I'm Castiel. Would you like to sit with me today?"/ perfect/

" Im Dean. And yea, I'd like to sit with you." He says it with a slight smile on his and it calms Castiel's thoughts again. " So Cas, Im decent enough looking but definitely not worth being asked out 6 times in 30 seconds...?"

It's a question. He knows that but he trying to figure out why he isn't freaking out that Dean called him Cas. He stares at the freckles across Dean's face while he answers because if he is focused on those he can kinda ignore the tingles in his left arm. 

"I'm sorry. I have OCD and when I saw you everything went quiet. I don't that a lot so I had to talk to you."

He gets ready for Dean to leave. He's broken and he knows no one wants something broken. 

" Its cool Cas. It was kinda flattering actually. I don't mind." He says it with a smile playing on his lips and Castiel can't help but think he has a new favorite tick. He needs to see the smile again. As they talk more ( more of Dean talks and Castiel re-organizes the table 5 times) he sees the smile 6 more times. /7/ It barely bothers him. He doesnt know why 7 was the worst and 5 the best. It just is. They make a date for the day after next and after Dean is no longer in his sights the anxiety is crippling. He barely makes it home. 

On their first date Cas makes them late to the movie since he has to stop every 3 steps. They end up just walking around talking, then getting ice cream. Dean doesn't mind. He just stops and waits for Cas. Dean learns, this date, that Cas has issues touching things. Especially people. Somehow Cas gets another date. 

On their third date Cas is fed up with his disorder getting in the way of his life so he grabs ahold of Dean's hand on the walk home. He holds it the entire time and doesn't even panic. He doesn't feel millions of microscopic germs eating away at his skin. He doesn't see a truck repeatedly slam into him. He does feel the warm, rough hand encircle his. He needs to keep Dean around. 

He still has to the rituals when he gets home and alone. He locks the front door. /25 clicks/ He makes sure the dishes and laundry are done. The trash is taken out. He takes a shower washing from the top down for 15 minutes. He brushes his teeth for 3 minutes. He washes his hands one more time and when he leaves the bathroom he turns off the light/ 9 clicks/ and shuts the door /6 clicks/. He does this every night wthout fail or he wont sleep. When he gets into bed though, he's smiling. Thats new. 

It takes 9 more days and 2 more dates of laughing and holding hands with Dean until he decides to push himself further. He is going to kiss Dean. He knows that it isn't enough and that his drop dead gorgeous boyfriend deserves so much more but it's all he can make himself do right now. 

On the day of their seventh date Cas takes his time with his ticks. He doesnt get frustrated or try to rush through them so that he won't be anxious. The date is easy sith Dean. Everything is. Instead of 50 things running through his mind there's only about 10, but its still enough to distract him. Before he realises, the date is coming to an end. He's standing in front of his door and Dean. He stands way too close because its still kinda to actually touch and stares into those never ending green eyes because they have patience and help calm him. / Breathe/ He hopes Dean understands what he is trying to do as he leans in a little more. He still isnt touching but its definitely close enough now for him to get the picture. 

He angles his chin up as Dean hesitantly angles his down. Cas can feel the warmth of Dean's breathe on his lips and they start to tingle. Then he feels it. A actual kiss is happening and Dean lips are soft and warm and... fuck!/no nO NO NO/ Its not right. /this cant be happening/ 

Cas pulls away just to dive back in and its still not right. He tries again. /fuck/ He's starting to get hot/ again/ He's using every curse word that he can in his head. /again/ He's getting kinda nauseous. /again/ He wonders if it will actually kill him to just give up./one more time/ Cas screws his eyes shut and grips the front of Dean's shirt and all that's left of him into the last kiss. All or nothing right? /PERFECT/ Its right! Its actually right! /7/ It makes sense in a weird way that he was never able to use that number before. It was always for Dean and now he won't even get to use it again. He's a freak that can't even get a first kiss right. Against what everything in his head is screaming, Cas opens his eyes to Dean giving him the most confused look he's ever seen. Thats saying a lot too since OCD makes you do some pretty weird stuff. 

" Shit! Im so sorry Dean. I just wanted to do something for you because you're so amazingly patient with me. It just wasn't perfect and I couldn't stop until it was because you deserve perfect. I fucked it up though. This stupid disorder ruins everything. I understand if you dont want to continue dating and..."

"Woah! Cas, hey!! Calm down ok? Look at me and take a deep breathe." He did and of course it worked. Those perfect green eyes and constellation of freckles could calm him down everytime. " Look Cas, I don't care if it takes 20 minutes longer to walk you home because we have to stop every third step or if you have to wash your hands atleast once and hour. I sure as hell dont care if you have to kiss me 7 times everytime for it to be perfect. What I do care about is you!"

/fuck/ Of couse he would be understanding about this too./idiot/ Cas looked at that beautiful smile and everything got queit again. He looked into his loving green eyes and was immediately calm. It was perfect.


End file.
